Darrrr. or Feeee…….. Fear

I will take a break from my journey to different places, as later I was a global citizen and that I am keeping for another day.

Fears, this is my strong point, always able to show my back to it. Like others, I also will start with some of my positive point, putting negatives under the carpet.

I am Fearless, I will be Fearless (most probably!) and I was Fearless.
If I said I was Fearless, frankly speaking it is not cent percent true. I rewind back to my very kiddy days, a quite and dark Kolkata, I used to get frightened by something! what?
Believe it or not, ghosts around me and those are not so funny looking which you must have seen in Great Satyajit Roys movie ‘Goopi Gayen and Bagha Bayen’.
Even spent a few sleepless nights, seeing somebody just calling me from my open window, only to find that, it was just a banana leave.
Calling Lord Ram all the times (Ram? Why?).
What I am doing with a Computer? My ideal occupation would have been a very good scary masks maker.
Later I was, you can call a dare devil. I can see an young BeeeBeees, far from land of snake charmer, jumping out from a eight floor window (more than 100 feet from ground), carrying a heavy wooden stool (no plastic stool those days) walking almost 20ft. on a parapet and jumped back into another open window, because her room was locked and keys was inside. (Socho kabhi aisa ho to kya ho? Maine soch liya (Aatvi manjil se kud jao) Scare? Thumbs down!)

Again, in a war stricken country full of crisis and with so many scary faces around, but she was just smiling, no she was not enjoying the game of war, if she have done so, then she should have sent to mental asylum.(Why those play it, they do not find a place there Any answer?).
She was smiling and enjoying her personal win over -
- A terrific battle – which? - fear of death.

There are so many, but just between you and me, some time fear also catch up with me -
When I hurt a dear friend.
and losing a dear one !
I fear most, not dieing, every body born once to die (that also once only) but journey from death bed to final moment.

So! What are you looking for, take out your boxing gloves from closet and give

!!!!The fearful fear a fiery and fearless fight [condition apply, ting…tong]!!!

Jam, Jam, Jammy…

This was the place

I was introduced to an India, that’s not means only Bengalis. Bihari’s, Oriya’s, South Indian, North Indian and most probably whole India and all of certain I was not just a Bengali any more, an Indian.
Yes this small town is very close to my heart, with happy memories from my school and college days. Yes! I am talking about Jammy (Jamshedpur). Road, electricity, water supply, education, and health services, play grounds all were neighbours envy and owners pride. A hilly town, picture perfect with two rivers flows across and pollution free.
Here I came to know two new languages, Oriya and Hindi.
It is so difficult to learn and easy to forget, like Oriya, now I can not even recollect a single word, but Hindi was integral part of my life and I am happy that still I can speak this language very fluently, as it is our National Language.
Of course when I am talking about languages, then just want to inform that I picked a few more afterwards – Goan, Marathi and Arabic and bit of Punjabi. Tried to understand a few more but may be by then, I lost interest in all types of Script, today I just want to kill myself for such ignorance.

Sorry Jammy, I was bit carried away with my lingo. My school – run by Tata Iron and Steel, was having all facility, even today some can not dream it. In those days, we used to go to school to learn and teachers used to come to teach only. My teachers, I may not remember their family name and most them may be no more but still I like to mention a few of them(just a little tribute) – Ms. Sudha(Bengali), Ms. Kamana (Phy), Ms Anjana (Chem), Ms. Nilima(Bio) and Ms. Malaya(Maths and sports). When I talk about sports, I was active member of a sport event, now wait a minute, what that sport event doing in my school in 70’s or even before. Most of India may not even heard of it before satellite sport channels shown it at the end of 90’s. Yes I am talking about Baseball, very funny, I am yet get an answer.
We also used to wait for 3rd March, founder (J. N. Tata) birthday, when a packet of sweets distributed, but I salute the founder everyday without him Jammy may be just an unknown village.
We were a bunch of happy go lucky girls, going school and college, with no radios, televisions and even news papers around us, our entertainment tools were our common sense and our sense-of-humours.

The town is always breathing around Tata Iron and Steel factory and adjourns Tata Locomotive. It is bit of Jammy, bit of irony, little bit of steely and all riding together (Nano?).

In those days (not today) it was just a sleepy town, always waked up with each sirens (depend on working shifts). Night 9 O’clock siren was very dear to us, as it was time to say good bye to studies and time for dinners.
Sadly, I lost two of my most precious thing here - My mother and my childhood.
But, why blame it on Jammy? Then whom …
.
Let me think…. Eureka…
.
Blame it on fate and Samay.

Can some body tell me…? Why this Samay -

!!! always ticks clock-wise and not anti-clockwise? !!!

My Kolkata Konnection or 3K’s

KK, Kolkata Konnection or Kismet Konnection!
I am born here and most probably came back after long years
- to die! nobody knows!
My family back here blackmailed me to do so or bailed me out; only time will tell. But, if you consider my financial condition, it improved, as expenses gone down heavily.

Frankly speaking, nothing in Kolkata excite me-
Politically involved people, The governance , The Electric supply, The administration, The transportation, The road and environment, And finally the work culture
Is Kolkata living on its past glory?
After ten long years I still don’t know my neighbours properly and I don’t have a single friend or may be I, never tried hard to make one.

My days as hard as Mumbai, morning 8.30am I start, go to Computer Inst., run by me, at 9.30pm finally the closing time, then go to my brother's medicine shop, check the daily account and by 10.30pm, back to square. Sundays is different – mainly, it’s only with and for (little N.G- I will write another day).

When I start 8.30 every morning, walk around 10 minutes to reach the building where my work place now stands. This walk is not pleasure, just routine for me.

Morning when I reach my so called present work place, its some sort of “my ship my order”, the caretaker of the building will greet me “Didibhai”-
the first smile, just start peeping out of my cloudy face.

When I entered 750Sq. Ft. flat, my new world start here, first of all, I find a few heartless objects, just staring at me-
Computers! These are my best friend, apart from giving me my daily bread; these are also source of knowledge, entertainment and all in one package. Frankly speaking I really love them.

But that’s not the end-
Here, I am coming face to face with many living objects too, they are not heartless, and they are in all sizes, shapes, ages and either sex.
They are my students!

And one fine day I realize-
Creativity, this one thing Kolkata has no competition! So Kolkata Konnection and Kreativity(3Ks)
My students!! all are so creative, some thing then other – almost all are in drawing or painting, some in music, some playing beautiful instrument and others fiercely using their best weapon – pen.

One fine day one of my Ex. Student, who is doing English Honours in a reputed college, visiting me after finishing his first guitar lesson, he made me sit on a stool with his guitar in my hand and tried his best to teach me the first lesson which he just learned, and finally concluded “Mam! Guitar Shikhun” (Mam! Start learning the guitar)
Why not? I said. Since then I am looking for a guitar teacher whose time suits to mine.

One of them even presented me a Bengali dictionary. I don’t know, if I ever able to justify her faith on my writing.

And then some beautiful painting-
Young couple standing in an unknown sea shore and enjoying rain, I just walked and stand near them and then - You believe or not!They just smiled and that also looking at my direction, I am happy to share a few moments with them.
I get little high when I listen to the notes of their music, and the words they scribe on a writing board, all are amazing.

Then I, just look back to a very young school going BeeeBeees, in her light pink skirt and white shirt school uniform, she was a happy-go-lucky girl, bit famous in school and little bit in college(we all lose little identity in college) too, for writing-
In magazine, speeches for all occasion and every time she wrote a piece of essay teachers made a point to read it out in the class.

One pleasant morning, you know what happened?
She just looked back and flashing her down-to earth smile, I can not do it like her, as I have to go through lots of grind Still I try to flash one of my best to her and said loudly- Hey come on! Where are you all these days?
- Surprise! She instantly responded, and she was all over me, may be she was waiting for my call
- All of certain all my thoughts and dreams, flying in the form of tiny water bubble with multicolour wings and here, I am flying along-

~ ~!!!Catch me, if you can!!!!~ ~

Mumbai and Mumbai Kars and Myself

I am writing this piece just sitting in front of my computer in Kolkata. This is not a new thing; doing it everyday, since last ten years, 9 to 9, Monday to Saturday. Only new thing is that I am writing something else than a computer program.

I born in Kolkata, brought up in Jamshedpur and graduated to hardship in Mumbai. I will always consider myself a true Mumbai Kar. After ten long years, since I left Mumbai, my heart still bleeds for it. Those beautiful friends with simple queries “Tujhe Kuch Chahiye Kya?” than “Mujhe Chahiye”.

Those wonderful neighbours, those will even entertain your guest in your absence. Those lovely colleagues, and then from your daily dose of life –
Mumbai local trains, a piece of whole India and Indians. All those co-passenger and their long lasting association.
Nostalgia!!
How can I forget the beautiful language –?
In fun “lapet yar jitna chahiye lapet le” or “ekdam feku hai”
In Anger “Aisa bheja chata na!! kaan ke niche bajane ko dil kar raha tha”
In sorrow “apun ka mood bahut down hai”
An unknown face giving you her own sit, that what you wanted most at that time-
“thoda sit yaar”.

And those days of downpours and bandhs!
But worst of it, still haunted my memory –
1992-93 riot and all those bomb blast, train accidents.

They all are –
Always – either “Jhaka..as” or “Binda..as”

You have to little “Bindas”, to enjoy your life, too much of it can be destructive.

Some those days are just too good but honestly some are bad too. Funny! old bad days often bring smile when you look behind. I can see behind, a young BeeeBeees- Some time smiling, or crying or just enjoying life but all with lots of struggle.
To make 2 + 2 = 4 Your whole life is gone.

But I was always positive and that is my mantra-

!!!Be Positive!!!

All Motions end with Emotions

Emotions have many shades, depends, how you express it. As we grow older, colour of our emotion keep changes.

Innocence, most beautiful, god gifted, you can not pretend to be.

Smile, is a priceless, with (00000000000*0000000)**00000000$ price tag. So keep smiling, alone or together.

Tears, you are happy, shed it, you are down also shed it and when you are angry, if you can, then you will help yourself more than a psychiatric can do.

Once, one of my old friend told me “Boyz don’t cry”
Why?
Shy?
Or no emotion?
Or don’t have the guts?
Yeah! It takes lots of guts to show your true emotion?

Anger, dangerous like a virus. It exposes the uglier side of a human.
In my younger days I used to call myself “Vishwamitra”. Today I feel happy because I was aware of my limitations.
It also true, that you can not blame yourself for this deadly virus, mostly inherited.

Greed, for what? Life is too short?
But, saying and doing is two different things.

And finally, at end of the day, assess yourself. No body is perfect. Just try to find your mistake and say sorry (not a mechanical process, you should feel it too) to them, whom you hurt.

!!!Just do it! Before its too late.